I get home from a visit lugging in my bags and the baby. I go to get the bottle from the diaper bag and find a golden envelope. I turn it around curiously and see “Thank you” written in pretty writing. I’m so excited hoping its a picture of little 4 lb newborn baby J or a note written by her mother. I bend the metal clasps, lift up the seal and see money. I open the envelope as wide as it goes to check for a note but there is none.
I am the other woman raising her child. I am the one getting to watch the milestones and wake up to smiles but she chose to give some of her money to me. She didn’t hand this to me in person probably avoiding a refusal. I sat on my couch holding hundred dollar bills in disbelief. They’re just normal people.
Its a thought that constantly goes back and forth in my mind from how could they ever do this to their child to they’re just normal people who made bad choices. She wanted to support her child. She thanked me when she could have so many reasons to hate me, she doesn’t. She appreciates me raising her daughter.
I was not even sure how to go about handling the situation. I wanted her to know her gesture was sincerely appreciated. The caseworker addressed that due to ethics money is not aloud to be given. However she may purchase things she needs such as clothing or diapers. So I will be handing this back. Exactly what she may have tried to prevent. This time the envelope will have a note in it, from me. I want to thank her for her thought.
As much as I love my little one, I hope her mother can work through her hard times and be able and willing to raise her kids in a safe and stable home.
It began pouring cats and dogs when we placed the baby with his grandma, in the parking lot of Arbys. This is foster care, awkward and messy. I carried the boxes and bags to her quickly. As we stand in the cold, pouring rain exchanging things she begins to thank me, she tells me she will keep in touch with us “because he loves you too.” I almost lost it. This made the transition a little easier. The worst part is the fear you’ll never get to see them grow up and they’ll forget your face. She told me she would put a picture of us on his dresser and always tell him how special we were. That is the best thing you could ever say to a foster parent.
Later that evening we picked up some dinner and came home. I don’t think it really hit me yet. We have had kids in our home for the last 10 months. We had no break in between placements and were denied vacations from birth parents. I walked up the old wooden steps quietly, half way up remembering I didn’t have to anymore. This morning I’m kind of lost but I continue to watch the clock and think hes probably hungry or sleepy right now.
When you’re expecting a new baby you wash all their new clothes given to you from a baby shower and hang them up by size. You set up their crib and put all the newborn diapers in place. But when you foster, you keep putting things away. You may take it down and prepare to restart. When each time a child goes home I feel the need to go through their closets organizing, I clean everything for the next children. I put away the bottle rack and warmer, the bath tub, swings and jumpers. I call it ‘unnesting’.
You pack their things and put away what you may use for the next. You move the coffee table back where it belongs because there’s no babies rolling around today. 🙂 Its crazy to go from potty training age, then back to infant and with each child you have to learn where they are with their milestones and maybe start all over again.
Here are 5 quick tips for nesting and unnesting for foster care:
- You can never have enough storage bins! I feel like I’m always buying them and still can’t fit all my clothes. I even send home lots of outfits. I love shopping for kid clothes. Sorry, not sorry.
- Convertible everything. I have the 4ever Graco seat that we’ve used on our newborn and our 18 month old and we love it. Only down side is when they’re tiny you gotta wake them up to go into a store. We kept a carrier in the trunk for the cart. Convertible baby tubs with a sling that is removable. Cribs that break down to toddler beds to twins. Bottles that turn into sippy cups. There are even high chairs that turn into little desks, its getting crazy guys! Not only are you saving, its very convenient to always be ready no matter the age.
- Try to Stay organized. Key word try. This makes it easier to find what you need, when you need it. One way is with toys, I keep a bin with baby toys, one with baby dolls and girly things and ones with trucks and boy things for the living room, everything else stays in the playroom. That way toys are not taking over your floors and you can take down what you need. Although most of the time kids will play with whatever.
- Make a kids kitchen cabinet. This one is full of the colorful plastics. Their sippy cups, bottles, plates, thermos etc. This has helped with loosing lids and all the little pieces and I’m able to find what I need.
- Keep diaper boxes. They become very convenient when you need something to transport their clothes and toys in, if they move.
What do you do when a placement leaves? How do you unnest?